I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
