Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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