Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
