my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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