: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
