you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm bleeding and have questions
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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