...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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