did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
