I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
