i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
