Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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