considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
