you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
