Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So vagazzling was a success
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
