god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
