"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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