my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
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Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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