Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Found your dick twin last night
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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