A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
