You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
