Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
