Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
