I feel like abortions should bother me more
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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