Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
