You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It was like getting head from an anaconda
ttyl tear gas
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
