she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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