booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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