do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
