Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
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you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
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I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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