I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
