So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
