you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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