you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You took a bar mat shot.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
