all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Come see our sink grown plant.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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