Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
