Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You made out with two different species that night
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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