Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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