Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
