i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
