he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
