woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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