i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
