He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
