just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
