Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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