i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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