god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
