I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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