Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
