when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize