even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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