I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
