i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
