i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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