you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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