his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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