I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
