they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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