she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
