I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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