Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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