Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels

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  (810): So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800? (1-810): About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels http://tfl.nu/3nnn
  Replies (5) Good night (1275) Bad night (600)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"

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  (401): So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection" http://tfl.nu/al1v
  Replies (20) Good night (952) Bad night (5489)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk

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  (410): I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk http://tfl.nu/7pu8
  Replies (85) Good night (5672) Bad night (893)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."

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  (913): I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady." http://tfl.nu/ftym
  Replies (11) Good night (6393) Bad night (1181)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.

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  (248): Any little, cute, petite blondes with you? (1-248): Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though. http://tfl.nu/s8t4
  Replies (41) Good night (9557) Bad night (1510)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.

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  (425): i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life. http://tfl.nu/aawj
  Replies (15) Good night (1872) Bad night (5409)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed

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  (610): So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed http://tfl.nu/2fhq
  Replies (5) Good night (4244) Bad night (1111)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life

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  (412): Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life http://tfl.nu/5boh
  Replies (6) Good night (2970) Bad night (1558)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.

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  (905): Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants. http://tfl.nu/3ltp
  Replies (5) Good night (2051) Bad night (719)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.

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  (651): I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like. http://tfl.nu/5ic3
  Replies (2) Good night (652) Bad night (944)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion

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  (615): That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion http://tfl.nu/imr6
  Replies (3) Good night (858) Bad night (476)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?

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  (317): I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened? http://tfl.nu/0nes
  Replies (3) Good night (325) Bad night (588)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.

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  (618): I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat. http://tfl.nu/8lem
  Replies (2) Good night (829) Bad night (516)
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  (873): View more from

  I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.

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  (873): I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning. http://tfl.nu/7r93
  Replies (5) Good night (247) Bad night (589)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels

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  (410): i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels http://tfl.nu/vpxw
  Replies (1) Good night (281) Bad night (150)

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