Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I'm passing your future prison.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me