Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!

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  (917): i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire! http://tfl.nu/yxp7
  Replies (12) Good night (4641) Bad night (706)
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  (716): View more from New York

  it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.

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  (716): it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis. http://tfl.nu/lwww
  Replies (57) Good night (6022) Bad night (964)
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  (661): View more from California

  if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.

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  (661): if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies. http://tfl.nu/xdyr
  Replies (27) Good night (718) Bad night (5522)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  he just said he'd buy the porn

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  its a step up from the last guy

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  (919): he just said he'd buy the porn (919): its a step up from the last guy http://tfl.nu/xur4
  Replies (9) Good night (2386) Bad night (596)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh

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  (330): I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh http://tfl.nu/7tof
  Replies (54) Good night (948) Bad night (5196)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.

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  (301): chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING. http://tfl.nu/oa1d
  Replies (37) Good night (790) Bad night (5339)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.

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  (309): I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors. http://tfl.nu/cath
  Replies (10) Good night (11092) Bad night (986)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I love how my cats smell like pot.

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  (410): I love how my cats smell like pot. http://tfl.nu/85ca
  Replies (12) Good night (4493) Bad night (1325)
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  (949): View more from California

  Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.

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  (949): Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive. http://tfl.nu/to91
  Replies (15) Good night (2103) Bad night (1311)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often

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  (301): Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often http://tfl.nu/2a6o
  Replies (8) Good night (1697) Bad night (502)
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  (760): View more from California

  I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.

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  (760): I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait. http://tfl.nu/31q4
  Replies (6) Good night (1286) Bad night (595)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr

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  (620): nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr http://tfl.nu/wyqo
  Replies (9) Good night (1409) Bad night (435)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard

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  (708): i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard http://tfl.nu/5qs2
  Replies (2) Good night (641) Bad night (525)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I swear to god those aren't related

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  (724): Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money (412): I swear to god those aren't related http://tfl.nu/w3tr
  Replies (2) Good night (615) Bad night (205)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.

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  (320): You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick. http://tfl.nu/jc99
  Replies (3) Good night (543) Bad night (156)

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