that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'