I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Did we literally take a cab across the street
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.