You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
