my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
