hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
