If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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