youre lurking in front of me
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
