she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
