Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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