Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
