i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
tell me about the eggs
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
