the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
