ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Randomize
