Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
you never un-have a 4some
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
