She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
