So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
