just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
