I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
