paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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