Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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